Tuesday, May 4, 2010

[Hindi_Jokes] SUHANI KE SUHANE JOKES-081-082-083-084-085-086-087-088-089-090

 

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Film ke parde par ek dardnaak scene chal raha tha|

Achanak hero ne heroin ke gaal par ek thappad maar

diya to heroin uska pair thaamkar rone lagi| Tabhi

picture hall me ek aavaaj goonji- "Mummy!

 Yah tumhari tarah ulatkar hero ko chaata kyo nahi maar rahi?"

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Premi- "Meri jaan! Mai Shahrukh khan ki tarah

 crorepati hero to nahi| Mere paas kothi, car kuch bhi nahi|

 Bas kewal pyaar bhara dil hai| Mujhse shaadi karogi na?"

Premika- "Shaadi jaroor karoongi, par tumse nahi

Shahrukh khan se|"

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Ek stree- "Doctor saahab! Jab aap mujhe dekhe to

nurse ko bhi bheetar bula le|"

Doctor- "Kya aapko mujh par vishvaas nahi hai?"

Stree- "Ji, aapke upar to hai, par baahar baithe

apne pati par nahi hai|"

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Doctor- "Dekhiye, is thermometer ko apni patni ke

muh me jubaan ke neeche rakh deejiye aur

 unse kahiye ki do minute muh na khole|"

Pati- "Doctor saahab! Kam-se-kam do ghante waala

thermometer dijiye|"

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Premi apni premika ko shikaar ke kaarnaame sunate

huye- "Are! us waqt to haalat yah thi ki maroonga ya

sher mare, dono me se to ek ka marna jaroori tha|"

Premika- "Chalo acha hua ki sher mar gaya varna

tumhari khaal kis kaam aati|"

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Santa- "Kya baat hai, tumhari patni abhi tak nahi aayi?"

Banta- "Ho sakta hai, uska apharan kar liya gaya

ho ya durghatna ki chapet me aa gayi ho ya kahi

kharidaari me lagi ho| Ishwar se yahi praarthna

hai ki vah kharidaari me na lagi ho|"

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Premi- "Telephone va shaadi me bahut samaanta hai?"

Premika- "Kis tarah?"

Premi- "Shaadi me ichit paatra nahi milta aur

doosre me ichit number|"

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Premika- "Mai kisi aise vyakti se shaadi nahi

karoongi, jo jhooth bolta ho|"

Premi- "Tab to tum saari umra kuwaari rahogi|"

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Premi- "Mujhe rupyo ki bahut sakht jaroorat hai|

Maa beemaar hai|"

Premika- "Rupyo ki to mujhe bhi jaroorat hai|"

Premi- "Kyo, tumhe kya hua?"

Premika- "Hua to kuch nahi, tumhi ko dene ke

liye jaroorat hai|"

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Premi- "Raani, tumne mujhe dharti ka sabse

sukhi vyakti bana diya|"

Premika- "Bas dharti ka? Parso jis naujavaan se meri

mulakaat hui thi, vah to saatve aasmaan par pahuch gaya tha|"

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Premika ka baap- "Mai nahi chahta ki meri ladki

jindagi-bhar kisi gadhe ke saath jeevan bitaye|"

Premi- "Tabhi to mai aapse aapki ladki ka

haath maang raha hoon|"

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Santa- "Yaar, meri patni mujhse kabhi baat nahi karti|"

Banta- "Meri patni to karti hai|"

Santa- "Kab?"

Banta- "Har mahine ki pehli taareekh ko|"

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Pati garv se- "Maine apna jeevan svayam banaya hai?"

Patni (maatha peete hue)- "Lo aur ek mai hoon ki

aaj tak bhagwaan ko dosh de rahi thi|"

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Pati- "Mujhe itna na satao darling, mere dimaag

me aag lagi hai|"

Patni- "Oh! Tabhi to mai soch rahi thi ki uple

jalne ki gandh kaha se aa rahi hai?"

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Maayke gayi hui patni ne pati ko patra likha- "Priy,

pandrah din me tumhaare viyog me aadhi rah gayi hoon,

 mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?"

Pati ne uttar diya- "Priyatama, pandrah din ke baad|"

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Pati- "Aaj tum mujhe bhulakkad nahi kah sakti, kyoki

aaj tum bhi apna chaata bus me bhoolkar aa rahi thi|

Mai tumhara bhi chaata utha laaya aur apna bhi|"

Patni- "Par shreemaan, aaj to ham dono hi

chaata nahi le gaye the|"

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Ek andhe ne ek stree se shaadi kar li|

Stree- "Kaash! Tum meri sundarta dekh sakte to tum

apne bhaagya par garv karte|"

Andhe pati- "Bhaagyavaan! Yadi tum sundar hoti to

aankh waale tumhe chodte?"

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Premi ne akasmaat light off kar di to premika ne

ghabraakar kaha- "Mujhe andhkaar se dar lagta hai|"

Premi- "Dar kis baat ka, mai tumhaare saath hoon|"

Premika- "Isliye to|"

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Ek abhineta ko moorkh ka part ada karna tha| Usne

director se salaah li- "Mujhe moorkh dikhne ke liye

kya karna chahiye?"

Director- "Kuch nahi, jaise dikhte ho, thik dikhte ho|"

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Mitra- "Aap pati-patni itni der se lad rahe hai,

aakhir is jhagde ka kya kaaran hai?"

Pati- "Yah to deviji hi jaane|"

Patni- "Wah! Teen ghante se jyaada ho gaye hame

jhagadte huye| Itni der tak mujhe yaad rahega

ki ham kyo lad rahe the|"

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Ladka- "Saahab, aapki ladki ne mujhse shaadi

karne ka phaisla kar liya hai|"

Ladki ke pita- "To mai kya karoon| Galti tumhari apni

hai| Tumhi din-raat uske aage peeche firte the| Ab bhugto|"

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Shikshak- "Suresh, naagrik aur naagrikta me kya antar hai?"

Suresh- "Sir, naagrik me 'ta' lagne se 'naagrikta'

ho jaati hai|"

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Pati ne khaana khaate samay apni patni se kaha-

"Tumne jo sabji banai, agar chaar guna jyaada

banti to acha hota|"

Patni- "Kyo, kya sabji bahut achi bani hai?"

Pati- "Nahi, isme tumne jitna namak daala hai,

uske hisaab se keh raha hoon|"

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Patni- "Mai paanch ghanto se tumhari prateeksha

me jaag rahi thi|"

Pati- "Aur mai paanch ghanto se is intjaar me baahar

khada tha ki tum so jao to mai bheetar aau|"

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Ek aadmi ki arthi ko kuch log ambulance yaani shav

vaahan me le ja rahe the, lekin motor chalaakar nahi,

balki dhakka dekar le ja rahe the| Ek aadmi ne

poocha- "Marne waale ki antim ichaa kya thi?"

Doosre ne jawaab diya- "Har haal me petrol ki bachat|"

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Adhyapak- "Bhagwaan kaha rehte hai?"

Surendra- "Hamare gusalkhaane me|"

Adhyapak- "Kaise jaana?"

Surendra- "Aaj subah meri mummy gusalkhaane

 ke darwaaje par khadi keh rahi thi,

 he bhagwaan abhi aur kitni der andar rahoge|"

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Santa- "Aapki hobby kya hai?"

Banta- "Ghudsavaari|"

Santa- "Pichli baar aap ghode par kab baithe the?"

Banta- "Kareeb paanch saal pehle| Apni shaadi

ke avsar par|"

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Adhyapak- "Tum bade gande rehte ho,

 gandgi manushya ke swaasth ki kattar shatru hai|"

Vidhyaarthi- "Sir, aapne hi to kaha tha ki

shatruo se prem karo|"

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Hindi_Jokes
 

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